I was thinking that my Valentine's day would be different than the past 5 years or more that I have had, but I see that it won't be. I only say this because after talking with my boyfriend's Mom, it appears that my boyfriend has inherited or maintains this outlook of "it's ok to treat people any kind of way". This hurts pretty bad, because that means that it's ok to half ass things or be late or even make excuses. I knew that he was highly unrefined, and that he didn't care for much of the finer things in life. But I didn't know that we were that much different. Makes me feel like a chunk of me has blown up and caught me on fire.
I realize I wake up and move through out the day with this horrible frown. It makes me angry!! Mostly because I feel like I'm developing early wrinkles!! But lol, I know this is half and half because of my relationship, buuuuuut also because I hate my job now. I'm sorry I strongly detest it. Is that any better? O.o I was trying to fake it till I made it, but who has energy to waste and burn for all of this?! Sometimes I silently cry because I can't tell if I'm settling both romantically and/or professionally. I feel like I'm back with my exes all over again. I seriously feel like I'm the problem to all my relationships. I sacrifice my happiness a lot to make sure they are fully happy.. I always get the short (if any) of the stick. I'm thinking they will not take advantage of me or take me for granted, but I stand corrected regularly.
Sometimes, lmao, I dream of characters that sweep me off of my feet and save me, and create this fantasy dream of I dunno, whatever the fuck I desire. You could call it "Utopia" or some shit. But in any case, lol, I always somehow get into these relationship where guys take me for granted and give me rainchecks for my most FAVORITE HOLIDAY ON EARTH , as well as other holidays and birthdays as well. Tired of men doing that, like I am not as important as the shit they produce. I think that's why sometimes I feel like a have accumulated a "Lost Love Syndrome", as my couple book describes it, for Richard. But even then I played "back burner bitch" to his folks all the time. Not saying family doesn't come first, but damn you could take me out on a date like you promised for my last week in Georgia (before I went to TSU). (But instead he didn't call me until an hour after he was supposed to pick me up, and even had the audacity to try and reschedule our date because his Mom wanted to).
Like my boyfriend's Mom said, "It's okay if they don't get us anything; they will when they can..."
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