It's been a while since I have written on this blog.. And it's been for good reason. I've been having so much "attack" me lately that I haven't decided most times if I wanted to live or die lol..

The Ex so-called "Best Friend":

        To bring you up to speed, My so-called "best friend" Camille decided that she was right and that I was wrong for the actions and verbs she consistently utilizes to get her way like a little child. The last "argument" we had was over Facebook, and it was pretty nasty. However, it was due to me being sick and tired of the power trip (that everyone says she is having after losing a lot of weight, having a great job, and going forward with her future with Dean, etc). She last invited me last minute at 10 PM the night before to an event during the week. She said, "Hey, you wanna go to this thing for Zedd tomorrow? I know you won't call out tomorrow, but I was seeing if you wanted to go anyway.." Wow gee thanks Bitch. Not only did I start my new role at my job, but I got a new car note. I believe I'd like to keep my job and car, especially since I was under fire at my job. So, I tell her all this, and she still says well let me know tonight. Bitch did you not here me?! Thanks for the 2 HOUR NOTICE. We fought on Facebook, because she thought a post I made was about her, but in actuality it wasn't JUST about her. She decided to comment on there anyway, which started the fight more.

        The funny part is when I send her a text page at work about how she keeps calling me at the last minute to drop what I'm doing to hang with her, I didn't call her because I knew she worked a morning shift now. I figure I would text her or use google hangouts since she went in earlier than me and we could talk then. She tries to call, but I can't answer because I had just got to work, and again I'm not sacrificing my job for her. Anyway, she says that if we don't talk on the phone then this never happened. Wow, what a BITCH. I told her why I text her and said we could talk on hangouts, but nope. She ALWAYS wants it her way. I'm trying to save her from her talking to me for a long time at work. Anyways, Facebook blew up and she decided to delete me, which I'm fine with. She was the worst friend I ever called friend lol. This is a first by the way. I never had a situation like this before. Besides my Mom said that she used the hell out of me... she was in love with my brother, and was using me to get close to him. Plus, she only started calling me her best friend when I referred her to my job so she could start her career instead of being at office depot waiting for a call that would never come from her internship. So, I got her to this point in her life, while being there for her. She always peer pressured me into drinking, always made fun of how I said and did things, and always criticized me, always tried to tell me what to do, always tried to call me last minute like I had nothing to do, tried to always have me cancel on REAL FRIENDS to be by her side, always bitched about how I would see and spend time with my family more than her, etc.. I'm glad it's over...

The Boyfriend:

         Daniel and I have been going back and forth with our relationship issues. However, this past weekend, he broke me heart tremendously. And then on top of that he told me the truth about him wanting kids, even though he kept saying he didn't want any... This further made things bad between us. I mean he wants kids, and I don't for various and good reasons (on my part). On top of him having to try and mend my broken heart, we are stuck as far as what to do about the kids thing. (I'm sure if Camille was reading this, she'd feel elated and over-joyed that this was happening to me.)

       When I read about couples like that, I know we should part and go our separate ways... Mom even asked me a long time ago when we first started dating if Daniel wanted kids. He did at the time, and then out of nowhere he said he didn't. So, we had been dating for 2 years now, and all of a sudden it resurfaces. I should've left him back then... but I was vulnerable from my recent break-up and my grandmother's death. I should've left him so it wouldn't be so hard now.... We are still together for now... but I take it we won't be in the future a few years from now when he may be ready.

        I told him that I'd like to save to so I can get my own townhouse. This was because I don't want to have to depend on anyone, and if we end I can have my own safe haven.. I don't know what the future holds, and he says things could change. But it's taking everything in me not to cry when going to work... or cry in general. Because the fact of it is, is that he wants kids, and that may never change. I may never want to by very least adopt. He told me why he wanted kids, but I don't see the need to have kids to establish that. I honestly don't know what to do at this point... and I feel like I should always have my bags packed, so he can find the woman he wants to have kids with... He wants to be with me now, but I'm still heart broken and on the reserve.. I don't know if this is a sign that I need to leave...