The Dangerous Kaos Experience

         Sooooo.. I've never done a Christmas let alone a Christmas Eve post xP. I am a day late but meh.. :P 
         
         On Christmas Eve, I had went to my boyfriend's house to play Taboo with his awesome family lol, I or at least made us lose mostly T.T M boyfriend, Terrence, wasn't really giving me much attention that day.. actually lately it has been touch and go.. but that night he mostly watched L.O.L. games on his laptop and ran up and down the stairs back and forth O.o (for something of course. don't know what). You would've thought he'd spend time with me since he invited me over.. He'd probably argue how I played with his sister the whole time, but it wasn't like he wanted to keep my company...
         
         So, after that I went with Mom and Bro to midnight mass T.T. No. I didn't want to go, but at this point, my bro and I are trying to move out and even though I don't claim a religion, I find it that by now, it's a form of tradition. Even though my Bro and I aren't too keen on it T.T. I figure that it would be nice to do something together, not to mention something she likes for a change. She's kind of by herself.. feel bad x.x

         We all pretty much were suprised by our gifts to each other @.@ I got an awesome TV and camera gear. And a hat and a cool box to put it in :P 

         Went over to Terrence's house to exchange gifts. He just got home, but once again he seemed kind of preoccupied. x.x but I did love what he got me, and he hesitated to open mine... in fact he was SOOO not paying attention to me.. he was more interested in playing a game.. yet apparently he's not going to use my gift (PS3) that I got him at all.. He did wrap it himself, which was pretty sweet :$

No one understands me; I feel alone and empty..

It's not like I wanted to, but I can't seem to stop eating... -.-

    Okay, so my boyfriend has been pretty much m.i.a. for two days.. I mean he's said a few things, but hardly will spend time with me. So sick of this constant unnerving crap. He gets on facebook right, and gives all his likes and comment(s) to devon's page. And last night he plays Guild Wars 2 with him consistently. Completely uninvolved with "us". We don't do ANYTHING together! I mean what on earth is he.. what the fuck ever.. I just, whatever. Of course, he says he would never cheat on me again. Yeah right.. 

    I'm shocked at how passive he is about our relationship. And how people hit on me and come after me on my facebook and in person at work or anywhere else, and he just sits there. Like wow. He won't stand his ground and place his stamp on me. He won't so to speak "mark his territory". How odd, huh? 

    It's like why can't he understand simple things. Like, it's NOT okay to stay friends with a girl whom is your ex and you cheated on me with! And you need to make time for your girlfriend. And you need to maintain and put effort and work into your relationship, before someone else does... 

    I know I keep saying this, but I think I'm going to just disappear for a while... like truthfully, I still feel a slight sting from his cheating and maintaining a friendship with her. And then his best friend completely ignore me until me and Terrence made it official. Terrence doesn't even see how people treat other people and judge you based upon the title you give the people in your life. Especially if you're married, you get discounts at times O.o

    Anyways... why can't I be treated or feel like I'm the most beautiful girl in the world to him... perhaps to others they may think I am which at times gives me an ego boost to make me feel important or even beautiful... haha, there was this one guy who was my first customer one day and omg he was really really sauve, was like whoooooa what the fuck. O.O He wanted to buy me lunchon my lunch break, was like awww, he asked what time is my break, and stuff, he was really trying.. why can't Terrence be that way... he's so passive... so unfortunate...

HNNG... *unf*

   This guy is the most wonderful boyfriend known to mankind, the guy who makes me feel like a "normal" person, who makes me laugh unexpectedly, who makes me feel supported and loved, who wants me and only me, who would do anything for me. This guy I wanna spend the rest of my life with because I know there is no other out there like him. The way he smells so desirably good all the time no matter what, the way he holds and kisses me like warm fresh sheets out the dryer, the way he sweeps me off my feet with his eyes and smile. The way he talks to me and talks with me, the way he strives hard and remains determined and undefeated. Forever I'm yours, forever I will remain,

I love you Terrence! ^.^

   So, my beloved boyfriend and I had an all out heated disastrous fight!! O.o To the point that we cursed each other out SO VERY MUCH! lol.. I shouldn't be laughing about it O.o but it was incredibly sweet when in the heat of the moment he told me, "Kristine, I love you!" I was just kinda like oh my gosh wow, with my mouth slightly opened. We did seem to learn more about each other tonight than any other night truthfully.. I think we have a lot to learn about each other that I didn't know before.. He did start to ask me things that I like that seemed rather off, but it was nice for me to tell him I guess?? lol.. He made some pretty good points that I hate to actually admit to being right! xP

 
   I learned that I'm probably not sure what it is that I like personally myself and that this would be a great time to figure it out too... truthfully, ever since I left my last relationship I've been on a path of self discovery to where I tried to separate myself from my ex's like's and dislikes... and actually find out what Kristine likes for a change... 


   I also learned that I should ask my boyfriend what he likes too more often, which is hard since we can't really get to know each other on a normal couple basis.. it's difficult beyond means.. but hopefully we'll pull it through.. he is kind of slow at doing and learning emotional things, but hopefully he'll become a quicker learner on how to make me happier... *scared* lol.. >.<

   Lol, if you're (boyfriend) reading this at any point.. It sounds weird saying it, but I enjoyed our extremely heated outrageous fight O.o or at least how it took a turn for the better ^.^

     Yesterday, after slaving and helping primarily 90% with my mom in her vegetable garden, while she "helped" and tended to other parts of the yard 90% ( - .-); , she said hey let me treat you to a REAL smoothie. I was like huh? Okay, so story is that Smoothie King, America's beloved smoothie, is choc full of ice, sugar, and non-real fruit. To put it plainly, it's not as healthy as it had originally been. Smoothie King had used real fruit and less processing items! But ever since then, my mother and I have noticed a severe lack of nutrients and vitamins that is essential to stay alive when substituting whole foods for liquid foods. So she was like hey! I'll take you to this place I know called Arden's Garden! So, needless to say, I thought the name was ironic since I practically slaved in getting her garden ready for the plants coming into the garden. It was pretty organic!! Though we went to the one in East Point since it was closer lol. Funny enough, It did not look anything like the picture above. In fact, this is the little 5 points location that I took from Google images. Oops. And let me tell you this is a whole lot better looking then the one in East Point. O.o But oh my god, please try this place. The bottled version is great, but the freshly blended smoothie's are so very much better. I have officially converted from Smoothie King to Arden's Garden! O.O

   I've been suffering with a sweet tooth for month now. I find that I think I am addicted to sugar x.x ugh,... but, after reading the label on these chocolates (expensive chocolate may I add) I find that I'm saving the environment! By buying these seashell chocolates, I find that the makers of Guylian will donate money to ensure the survival or non-extinction of these creatures. I find that unique, for I didn't know they were suffering! O.o perhaps there is more than meets the eye... but then again maybe the cost of these will balance out the fatal cost of losing such remarkable creatures. To see more about Project Seahorse, just click the link! I also don't need to mention how they have other products on their website, and how they made it into the Guinness World Record for creating the largest Easter Egg to date. O.o

 

    SOOOOO... yes, I cave in and I got 6!! 6 mega millions tickets! -.- ugh.. lol and of course just found out that I didn't win! It was the biggest lottery in the WORLD! People traveling from all over the place to buy tickets! Some people dropping a grand and mortgaging their house for this crap! :P asked my boyfriend to come up with some numbers with me and let's try and win and live off of the winnings, but we didn't win... There was a long line at the lottery place at my job (on both sides of the airport); people going out or coming back home xP I never play the lottery, partially because it can be addictive, and when I play gambling games I tend to me hooked on trying to win.. sometimes I don't have self-control sad to say when it comes to certain things. But I do try to keep certain things around me to snap me back into "reality"... if there is a really reality.

   I think truthfully, that this is a ploy.. I mean they did do a special on TV about where all the money goes from people buying the lottery tickets, but I mean it just gets swiped back up by taxes, not to mention debt pours out of nowhere, some how. And let's not forget the hungry people for that money who out of nowhere no you all of a sudden. I'm sure the government is watching you even closer then, so forbid you research on things they have an issue with. Perhaps they think that it's a nice payoff so that person can live a life out of their business, in which they snatch up the money due to some mysterious homicide. Perhaps, I'm going to far with the lottery thing, but for other things... this really does happen... especially when the government gets involved... and you have something they want... look out!

  This is an unfair game that the world will soon take on checkmated to the very end of death. By monopolizing the world's primary needs between oil company's like Exxon to major banking corporations ( not credit unions ) to societies and organizations like Freemasonry and Zionists, the world united stands less and less of a chance of success as more and more of the world's powers seize control of everything. One of these unfortunate "needs" is gas to fuel the the cars that we need and ones we want to hear go "VROOM". "Unfortunately", America as a whole will soon have to choose between luxury and living as gas prices continue to soar and what today has been deemed record high of $4.11!

  The movie Gas Hole, as advertised in the top picture, has shed light upon the reality that alternatives are out there, and it is allowing more people to achieve gas independence efficiently in cost effective ways.Though scarce, it is possible! There is technically an EXTREMELY low advertisement volume for such alternatives due to the "supply and demand scenario's that aren't matched by gas, and in America, the only way we buy something is if we see it on TV FIRST! Billions and trillions of dollars are poured and pumped into advertising, whether it's on TV or placed strategically on the shelf next to the life size personality for the product. "Waste-less" money spent on things and ideas that have no significant value except for the few seconds of fame in pop culture?! Is THIS the idea of utopia?! The idea that America is a land of opportunity... to prey on the weak who attempt to make a decent living based upon the idea that living large is.. well, living!

  After watching this movie, as well as Bowling for Columbine and Sicko, I've noticed that America has ways of defending the evil and blaming the innocent. I don't understand the idea of covering up the real idea that the world is getting ready to unleash. Are people this dense to believe that voting and hoping will solely grant them the freedom they deserve? It is unfortunate that my fellow man is failing themselves as a whole.. and continues to be sheltered from the truth.. As HUMAN BEINGS, we must stand against these debaucheries with a vengeance..

   Today Terrence asked me to be his girlfriend! ^.^ At first, it was a bit random. Then he made it kind of bad and reneged it. But when we got to his house he took my hand and asked me romantically and said romantic things and.. true things ^.^ he makes me so happy, I feel so honored to be with him! I can't believe it though!! :D 

   I'm learning more about myself these days... I feel like a complicated person... Terrence and I had a huge argument yesterday... My day at work was a fucking disaster in all its cursing ways... Lately, I've been seriously depressed... At times, I feel lonely... I'm still not Terrence's girlfriend, which actually contributes to my loneliness and depression... I hate my job, and trying to find another one... Considering going back for my masters, but where is a major issue naturally... There are days more commonly than I would like, that I feel empty... 90% of the people I know are either married or with children or both, and/ or is in an actual committed, official relationship... I don't know what I'm good at anymore... I feel liek a boring person... There's only one thing maybe that I find intriguing or "uplifting" that I have discovered about myself out of this and other observations of my life in total, and that is that I am apparently a tortured artist. Now, I'm not trying to go along with whatever pop culture trend is available for people who actually do fit this category or people who actually strive to be his "character". For I don't know who would even want to feel the things I feel most days or all the time. It's seriously exhausting at times... Don't know where to go from here, but I figure I'd start somewhere.