The Dangerous Kaos Experience

        
         I went to Japan!!! :D I went with Robert (my ex), Ty, and Lily. Ty was supposed to propose to Lily over there at one of the temples we visited, but alas that did not go as planned. In fact the trip to and from Japan with Robert was not necessarily as planned O.o

        Rob and I had quite a journey to, in, and from Japan. And lets not forget he kept trying to sweep me off of my feet. O.o He was on a path of redemption and it was mostly him buying me everything I need and want mostly. Rob told me if I wanted clothes that he'd have to see it on me first. It was kind of awkward at first.. and sometimes it was when we came back home that things were weird. 

        But moving along! The trip was awesome! The people there are sweet and well mannered there. I would definitely live there no doubt about it! The food was exactly as the plastic version advertised! It was so damn awesome!

         They also had some awesome arcade and crane game areas! And the music was fuckin' awesome!! I miss that country so much T.T 

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  • 7 Signs Your Boyfriend Is NOT Planning To Propose [EXPERT]

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        I miss my boyfriend, Terrence (Teru).. wish I could wrap my arms around him and feel his embrace.. 

        Yesterday, I was a little upset.. and now I'm just little depressed and upset lol.. I don't know what the future holds for me and his relationship. And so those who read this may be like well how long have you been together, and others may say who does know what the future holds. But it's a lot more complicated than that. 

        Terrence and I have known each other for almost 4 years. To him we have been together for 3 years, and I'm still undecided if I feel the same way. Why? Because technically we did break up two years ago and got together officially again last year. We don't have an anniversary, which to me is disheartening since to me that is important. Now, I can vouch that I can possibly agree on us always being together since we laid claim to each other 3 years ago, but if that's the case we need an anniversary. Okay, so there's that. 

        Now, if we both agree it has been 3 years, then we are way behind on celebrating our love (anniversary). And given the long time, I would suspect us to talk about things more seriously like do we have future plans together like marriage or moving in together or even projected dates in the future for dates, vacations, or even events?? So, many may think that well, may be he's not ready, but that's impossible. Why? Because I am confused by him. 

        We first got together when he wasn't ready for a relationship. We broke up months later and got together again a year later officially. In between we dated, but we broke up because he was confused over his ex who he broke up with to be with me. Yet we also broke up because he still had feelings for her. All the while I keep asking are we together or not, but he treated me like a girlfriend. So, when he officially asks me out I see a change in him, positive of course, that actually suggests that we are officially one. But if we never broke up in his mind, why not just tell me that while I was asking what are we?? And then he was unsure if he wanted to be together officially because of the distance while he is at Valdosta and what happened when we first got together. I fought for us hard for a looooong time. Shame on me I guess, since he should've been doing that I guess.. 

         But yesterday, Terrence gets upset because it appeared I was trying to make him jealous about me going to Japan with my ex Robert, which he's not jealous. But he didn't seem to understand that I had a deeper reasoning for bringing it up often... And it was because everyone I have been with has projected future dates, events, and plans for us and the relationship, but he has yet to. We did make plans to take a cruise, but just like six flags, that wasn't going to happen due to finances and stuff. And perhaps I have avoided asking him since I was waiting for him to say something first, and didn't want to be disappointed... But even then still, I don't know how he feels about me sometimes, and being away from him is hell on earth that I try to personally alleviate by myself... Now someone reading this may think maybe he's not that into me.. but I would hope that after all we've been through that's not the case. He has plans now to finish this year with a minor and a full degree, and possibly transfer to tech for second degree then go to Pennsylvania for Masters, and that is wonderful, it is, but where do I fit in his life?? Maybe this isn't very serious for him.. or maybe he's very focused on school.. I don't know. I just never know how he feels about me sometimes.. or rather us...
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         Ok. Soooo, in this article I read, Indonesia decided that they really want to capture their audiences attention by posting ANTI-smoking ads on the side of cartons! O.o


         I mean, perhaps that is the way to go for a country who has a high average of smokers globally to the point that even little kids smoke!! O.o Dafuqe. Well, hopefully this regulation will trickle down to inspire the U.S.A. in doing this as well. It's unfortunate that people aren't encouraged more often to stop in the U.S.A. You have to pay and willingly decide on your own that you want to quit. Whereas, some countries doctors and healthcare providers encourage their patients to quit, and in result most times they get bonuses!! BONUSES. But here in America, the more harm you do to your body, the better potential they have of making money off of you. Not to mention, they will find all the reasons in the world to prescribe drugs that your really don't need; it's a conjoined team effort, like wrestling. The doctor takes you in, asks you open-ended questions or questions that may not be totally relevant to your situation, and shoots the ball to the pharmacist, who scores by filling the prescriptions you need and DON'T need. And of course, most people take it, especially if it's covered by the expensive health insurance, and don't question it because they're the doctor. Ugh. The unfortunate mindset of the American population. *sad*

Original Article for Indonesian Regulation
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         Yesterday, I spent my last day with my boyfriend before he went back to Valdosta today... We went to our favorite sushi spot, Ru San's, and we talked a lot. We then went back to his house and tried to watch "Evangelion 1.0 You're Are (not) Alone", but the streaming kept getting interrupted for whatever reason.. but we got some massive cuddling time in together to the point that we fell asleep in each others arms. I miss him so much already.. we had such a great time and emotional time together. I definitely feel closer to him <3. I hate this a lot...I hope this semester will be easier than most...


 

         I love you Terrence :$





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         OMG YES!! I finally got this gift card open!! lol you have to open it by solving the maze!! O.o how unique is that!

I SO wanted to do this! O_O
 
 

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          Happy New Years... It hasn't been a great one this year... kind of a bad beginning.... Last night on the eve of new years, my boyfriend and I had a huge blow out to the point where I hurt him by slapping him hard... I was so upset. He was acting weird in my opinion... and it wasn't in a way that I could read necessarily. He seemed like he really did NOT want to go, like he had an attitude or something. But I was pretty sure we discussed this the day before about doing something.. I think I even mentioned going to see James, our friend. He did get his haircut late, and was going kind of slow to get ready.. and then he sprung on me about taking separate cars and wondering how long we were going to stay... it hurt a lot.. I felt like he was cheating on me again... it seemed so shady... especially on new years eve.. like what was he trying to do?? I didn't understand and in result panicked to the point that I didn't bother console him on him feeling possibly uncomfortable in the presence of a few of our friends because of not speaking to them in a while...

         I do feel incredibly bad about hurting him, and I apologized numerously.. he said he forgives me.. but haven't heard from him all day... He did decide to give me a new years kiss within the hour, but wasn't sure how much he wanted to .-. And he was trying to get back at me a lot.. x.x he made me super jealous (whether he knows it or not lol) and he tapped my thigh pretty hard x.x I feel crappy... I think he was trying to make me smile before I took him home (before we went to James') but I was so angry... I felt like punishing myself today since I didn't feel like I deserved his forgiveness completely. I'm badly PMSing I guess.. I just really wanted to spend time with him alone before we went to visit our friends... that's why I asked him earlier that day if he was hungry... he thought I was acting weird.. but I didn't know how.. we don't have much time left before I go to Japan and him back to Valdosta.. And not to mention, he may be there for another whole year.. >.< 

         It is pretty sad.. we had such a great day the day before yesterday................ I love him so much.. been trying to find ways to make it up to him... We did, however, have fun with our buddies though, miss them..
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