Happy New Years..

by - 4:23 PM

          Happy New Years... It hasn't been a great one this year... kind of a bad beginning.... Last night on the eve of new years, my boyfriend and I had a huge blow out to the point where I hurt him by slapping him hard... I was so upset. He was acting weird in my opinion... and it wasn't in a way that I could read necessarily. He seemed like he really did NOT want to go, like he had an attitude or something. But I was pretty sure we discussed this the day before about doing something.. I think I even mentioned going to see James, our friend. He did get his haircut late, and was going kind of slow to get ready.. and then he sprung on me about taking separate cars and wondering how long we were going to stay... it hurt a lot.. I felt like he was cheating on me again... it seemed so shady... especially on new years eve.. like what was he trying to do?? I didn't understand and in result panicked to the point that I didn't bother console him on him feeling possibly uncomfortable in the presence of a few of our friends because of not speaking to them in a while...

         I do feel incredibly bad about hurting him, and I apologized numerously.. he said he forgives me.. but haven't heard from him all day... He did decide to give me a new years kiss within the hour, but wasn't sure how much he wanted to .-. And he was trying to get back at me a lot.. x.x he made me super jealous (whether he knows it or not lol) and he tapped my thigh pretty hard x.x I feel crappy... I think he was trying to make me smile before I took him home (before we went to James') but I was so angry... I felt like punishing myself today since I didn't feel like I deserved his forgiveness completely. I'm badly PMSing I guess.. I just really wanted to spend time with him alone before we went to visit our friends... that's why I asked him earlier that day if he was hungry... he thought I was acting weird.. but I didn't know how.. we don't have much time left before I go to Japan and him back to Valdosta.. And not to mention, he may be there for another whole year.. >.< 

          It is pretty sad.. we had such a great day the day before yesterday................ I love him so much.. been trying to find ways to make it up to him... We did, however, have fun with our buddies though, miss them..

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