Confused..
I miss my boyfriend, Terrence (Teru).. wish I could wrap my arms around him and feel his embrace..
Yesterday, I was a little upset.. and now I'm just little depressed and upset lol.. I don't know what the future holds for me and his relationship. And so those who read this may be like well how long have you been together, and others may say who does know what the future holds. But it's a lot more complicated than that.
Terrence and I have known each other for almost 4 years. To him we have been together for 3 years, and I'm still undecided if I feel the same way. Why? Because technically we did break up two years ago and got together officially again last year. We don't have an anniversary, which to me is disheartening since to me that is important. Now, I can vouch that I can possibly agree on us always being together since we laid claim to each other 3 years ago, but if that's the case we need an anniversary. Okay, so there's that.
Now, if we both agree it has been 3 years, then we are way behind on celebrating our love (anniversary). And given the long time, I would suspect us to talk about things more seriously like do we have future plans together like marriage or moving in together or even projected dates in the future for dates, vacations, or even events?? So, many may think that well, may be he's not ready, but that's impossible. Why? Because I am confused by him.
We first got together when he wasn't ready for a relationship. We broke up months later and got together again a year later officially. In between we dated, but we broke up because he was confused over his ex who he broke up with to be with me. Yet we also broke up because he still had feelings for her. All the while I keep asking are we together or not, but he treated me like a girlfriend. So, when he officially asks me out I see a change in him, positive of course, that actually suggests that we are officially one. But if we never broke up in his mind, why not just tell me that while I was asking what are we?? And then he was unsure if he wanted to be together officially because of the distance while he is at Valdosta and what happened when we first got together. I fought for us hard for a looooong time. Shame on me I guess, since he should've been doing that I guess..
But yesterday, Terrence gets upset because it appeared I was trying to make him jealous about me going to Japan with my ex Robert, which he's not jealous. But he didn't seem to understand that I had a deeper reasoning for bringing it up often... And it was because everyone I have been with has projected future dates, events, and plans for us and the relationship, but he has yet to. We did make plans to take a cruise, but just like six flags, that wasn't going to happen due to finances and stuff. And perhaps I have avoided asking him since I was waiting for him to say something first, and didn't want to be disappointed... But even then still, I don't know how he feels about me sometimes, and being away from him is hell on earth that I try to personally alleviate by myself... Now someone reading this may think maybe he's not that into me.. but I would hope that after all we've been through that's not the case. He has plans now to finish this year with a minor and a full degree, and possibly transfer to tech for second degree then go to Pennsylvania for Masters, and that is wonderful, it is, but where do I fit in his life?? Maybe this isn't very serious for him.. or maybe he's very focused on school.. I don't know. I just never know how he feels about me sometimes.. or rather us...
Yesterday, I was a little upset.. and now I'm just little depressed and upset lol.. I don't know what the future holds for me and his relationship. And so those who read this may be like well how long have you been together, and others may say who does know what the future holds. But it's a lot more complicated than that.
Terrence and I have known each other for almost 4 years. To him we have been together for 3 years, and I'm still undecided if I feel the same way. Why? Because technically we did break up two years ago and got together officially again last year. We don't have an anniversary, which to me is disheartening since to me that is important. Now, I can vouch that I can possibly agree on us always being together since we laid claim to each other 3 years ago, but if that's the case we need an anniversary. Okay, so there's that.
Now, if we both agree it has been 3 years, then we are way behind on celebrating our love (anniversary). And given the long time, I would suspect us to talk about things more seriously like do we have future plans together like marriage or moving in together or even projected dates in the future for dates, vacations, or even events?? So, many may think that well, may be he's not ready, but that's impossible. Why? Because I am confused by him.
We first got together when he wasn't ready for a relationship. We broke up months later and got together again a year later officially. In between we dated, but we broke up because he was confused over his ex who he broke up with to be with me. Yet we also broke up because he still had feelings for her. All the while I keep asking are we together or not, but he treated me like a girlfriend. So, when he officially asks me out I see a change in him, positive of course, that actually suggests that we are officially one. But if we never broke up in his mind, why not just tell me that while I was asking what are we?? And then he was unsure if he wanted to be together officially because of the distance while he is at Valdosta and what happened when we first got together. I fought for us hard for a looooong time. Shame on me I guess, since he should've been doing that I guess..
But yesterday, Terrence gets upset because it appeared I was trying to make him jealous about me going to Japan with my ex Robert, which he's not jealous. But he didn't seem to understand that I had a deeper reasoning for bringing it up often... And it was because everyone I have been with has projected future dates, events, and plans for us and the relationship, but he has yet to. We did make plans to take a cruise, but just like six flags, that wasn't going to happen due to finances and stuff. And perhaps I have avoided asking him since I was waiting for him to say something first, and didn't want to be disappointed... But even then still, I don't know how he feels about me sometimes, and being away from him is hell on earth that I try to personally alleviate by myself... Now someone reading this may think maybe he's not that into me.. but I would hope that after all we've been through that's not the case. He has plans now to finish this year with a minor and a full degree, and possibly transfer to tech for second degree then go to Pennsylvania for Masters, and that is wonderful, it is, but where do I fit in his life?? Maybe this isn't very serious for him.. or maybe he's very focused on school.. I don't know. I just never know how he feels about me sometimes.. or rather us...
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