So... Terrence and I had split up about 2 months ago.... We've been trying to get back to the way things were years ago between us, and ease into things again. We vowed to change for the better for each other. While on one hand that was going fine.. until he stated that I was his best friend which hurt. He apologized saying he could see how that would hurt, but it didn't excuse my 63 phone cal blow up, which he penalized me for. Then my Grandmother died (on my Mom's side), and I got upset at him for not being there for me and blew up in his face. So, right now I guess I'm at two strikes...

         To be honest, I have been very lonely... My Grandmother dieing, moving out this Friday, technically single... I'm trying to keep it together as much as I can... I've been preparing myself for the worst always. Like recently I have convinced myself that Terrence may never ask me out again... We may never be together again... And it's all because of Valdosta making things hard between us. I just wish he loved me again... I'm not sure how to move on... Not sure what to do. Even though he bought me a necklace and I have yet to recieve it, he makes it seem like I will soon or something... I doubt it. I think he should just cancel the order and get his money back.

         He recently told me that the relationship isn't fun for him anymore... I don't know how to take that either... Feel numb and dead inside... I'm in pain. Before we got off of the phone today he kept saying aww, and he said I sound cute trying to mask my pain. He asked me when I got off of work and said he'd call me then, but I don't believe it honestly. He has showed no interest in me at all... It's taking everything I have to remain strong in all of this... Yesterday I wanted to commit suicide... and had I had the right push over the edge I would've...