Ugh... I'm SUPER JEALOUS... People my age get to do fun stuff with their significant other, or do more in general with people. Instead I'm being smothered by my clingy boyfriend who doesn't have a penny to offer me. I'm guessing maybe he's doing that because he is constantly low on funds (do to expenses that pop up like his timing belt and stuff), and feels like suffocating me is a another way of saying "I Love You". WRONG. Unfortunately, his ex has paved the way to create a monster. Bitch.
Next year, Him and I are supposed to travel to Japan next year with my friends. I have already expressed to him that I will NOT be taking care of him overseas, and that the least I can do is pay for our hotel and food (if he's really that stricken for cash). I told him I will not be embarrassed in front of an ex/friend and my other friends who have sacrificed, saved, and does not make the rest of the group feel like we owe them something.
The more things I find to do without him (like what ended up with Richard, one of my exes), the less time I will want to spend around my boyfriend. If having fun by myself is all he can "afford", so be it. He makes me feel guilty without knowing it I guess when I am able to afford things. He'll have this look on his face like "I wish I could go" or "I wish you didn't pay". I figure that if you wish so bad (anyone for that matter) for something to be a certain way, what is stopping you?
I realized just now, that I ALWAYS get, what I like to call, the "fixer-upper house project boys". This means I get the broken, intolerable, stubborn, broke, selfish, unpleasing-to-women, problem "men" that after going through a relationship "boot camp" with me for a few years or more, they become the BEST or MUCH BETTER boyfriends and husbands to the next woman or skanky bitch they cheated on me with!
Why can't I have such luxury? Do I naturally take in abandoned lost puppies?! I believe there is an article about this scenario. *Links it* <-- Link.
Also, the below red flags have given me reason to believe I have a "fixer-upper" I think that he needs to get himself together, and do some soul searching.. I think I need to tell him this, though it's going to hurt, because I don't know what's going to happen..
I think I have acquired a Muse of some sort for my creative spirit..
Post by William Robinson.
My boyfriend made a surprise visit Monday, and he brought me a card, CD, and CHOCOLATE!!!! :D It was really sweet. He seemed different ever since he returned from Florida. It helped awaken my soul a little at a time this week. That card above that he gave me is my favorite one so far <3. Th CD is by this artist called "Emancipator". VERY SOOTHING. I love it all.. ^.^
I'm kind of upset, because my boyfriend doesn't seem to be the guy I was hoping for... I keep thinking the "real" him will finally pop up and go surprise, but I think his ex soaked it up and took it with her.. selfish bitch. Not sure how much more I can take of this...
In celebrating my spot in time, where I float among space, I have posted the picture above ( ' -')/
Daniel is in Florida currently for the Fourth of July weekend, and I feel guilty to say this, but I'm happy because I can actually have some space! \( ' .')/ I can have some me time! It's sad I guess that I have to wait till my boyfriend leaves town to do so. He's been texting me off the hook.. And I'm pretty sue it's because he misses me.. however I never get that point in time where I can truly say I miss you because everywhere I turn he is there lol. Not just that, but he does this thing where he is a bit clingy x.x Makes me feel bad when I told him the day before.. but I don't know how else to give him the message that I NEED SPACE lol. He didn't even give me time to get over Terrence x.x (not that I'm totally complaining about that anymore).
I don't know if he's afraid of something like me cheating on him or something. But if he wants to spend every waking moment with me, there needs to be money and planning involved lol. Sorry to say, but I'm not going to just stay locked up in his place as often as I have been anymore. I guess I will seek my own set of space if need be. I used to ignore people who kept doing that. Like a friend of mine who is constant on Facebook ( @ -@). I don't want to have to do that. It's already problem-some that we have issues lol, Sometimes I just want to sit and be idle or do something FUN for a change. And most times he sounds like a 40 year old stuck in his prime at 20 in the 1940s, while also sounding like a typical black guy trying to hustle into "the great life". But he never takes time to be mellow and chillout or even have fun. Like I if something fun is going on I don't usually want to invite him.. mostly because he will become all "wall flower" on me. In any case, I also need time to figure out if this relationship is worth it in the end.. WE HAVE SO MANY ISSUES RIGHT NOW X___X
