The Dangerous Kaos Experience



         So, three friends of mine (which I have no problem mentioning by name), Carlos, Jose, and Khiem, for the longest have kept bitching that they don't get to see me (Khiem doesn't really say anything because we're still more acquaintances). I tell them that hey, come over to my place if you want. No takers. I finally tell them that there isn't much I find we can do together because anything we do must involve alcohol, and I don't like to drink (duh). So, they decided "well then you come up with something". Well gee assholes, I don't know what to do, because you all (mostly Jose), always has to drown themselves in alcohol as often as possible. 

         Yesterday, after a week long of preparations and an argument, we all decide to see Kingsman at Buckhead Backlot mostly because it was closer to Carlos and I. I was like sure, whatever. Now, a little back story. I don't hang out with them as often or I rarely do hang out with them because of the following reasons:

  • They neg me all the fucking time (negging) 
  • They always have to have alcohol involved
  • They exclude me out and leave me to find my own way to catch up with "Doctor Who" (For Example)
  • They don't consider me a best friend even after all that we've gone through, and considering how long we've known each other
  • When I was looking for another job at Travelex, Carlos acted like he could not help me find a job, and was ignorant to referring me to whoever that could help get me through the door (or any door he may have connections too). Mind you, he still wanted to do stuff with me, but because I made way less then he did, and lived far from him, I was still expected to shell out gas, money, and time that I barely had.
  • I have been spending time with my bestie Camille, my roommates who care a lot more than they do, my wonderful boyfriend Daniel (I'll explain that in next blog :P ), and my family duh. All of which who care and give way more shits than the three of them do.
  • Etc.
          It hits the nail on the head how badly I'm mistreated by them at times when we went to go see this movie. Mind you we've had a shitty week for weather revolving around snow and closing business and working from home. So, naturally I'm on edge thinking I don't want to get stuck if it freezes over. In any case, it was just rain, and the weather was warm enough to not freeze over. 

        So, I make it there ON TIME. Carlos is way closer, however when I tell him I made it, he only says cool. Huh? Like where the fuck are you? Anyway, I redeem my ticket that I bought online (and had trouble printing at Kinko's because I have no printer right now). I chose a seat up front because it was vacant with other seats for the other three people ( "friends" ) meeting up with me here. I tell them in Facebook Messenger "Hey, choose B or A to sit at; there a vacant seats for all of us." 

        It was just a deck to ourselves. This was Fork and Screen, so you sat with a table and had to choose spots to sit before you went in. These assholes choose F and I'm like sitting down here waiting for them. So, they message me for me to meet them out front, and then say that sat at F instead. WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU WHEN I SAID PICK B ASSHOLES?!!!?!?!!!? I sat watching that movie, in a date theater at a table and on a deck BY MYSELF. I ordered a brownie sundae because I as like "Since-I'm-Here", and also because my period had just started ( ' -' )! 

         After the movie was over by ONE SECOND, I left and went home.... I was pissed, and angry. They started blowing me up and I had like 8 missed calls by Jose and Carlos combined. I was texting Camille the whole time, and was like fuck them. Then Jose posts how they went to go see another movie, and Khiem was like stop trolling, we're outside waiting for you. By that time I left, and was half way home. 

          If you three are reading this, THIS IS WHY YOU ARE STILL SINGLE, AND CAN'T KEEP A GIRLFRIEND. 
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         I know that I have to be really ugly... I say that because I always get the boyfriends who have a mountain of issues that I feel that if I want to remain loyal to them that I have to fix it....  I've had a boyfriend who was a mama's boy, very selfish, and was a flaker (someone who stats something but never finishes). My most recent ex was a mama's boy, selfish, commitment phobic, and still in love with his ex for all our 4 years of whatever you want to call it (I call it friends with benefits because no boyfriend is a commitment phobe and still hangs on to the girl he cheated on his girlfriend with..)

       Now, when I meet my most recent boyfriend, I assume I am starting over, and that the heavens are smiling down on me for a change after many (about 5 and half) boyfriends of pain... But for the most part that isn't the case.

        I just recently learned that my boyfriend now (Daniel), was still in love with his ex when we met... I had hoped I didn't have to go through that again, since my last boyfriend failed to tell me that in the beginning and cheated on me in the long run (or really few months later after we got together). Daniel failed to tell me this, and while I was asking him for the longest about a year and a half ago why he still held onto her stuff, he claimed he was over her. But I learned yesterday that he was holding onto her stuff because he was hoping she'd come back... He held onto her stuff for almost half a year, and one day she popped up on his Facebook trying to steal him away from me. Of course he had no idea (bullshit). I had to tell him what was going on, and why she popped up out the blue after disappearing for almost two years. Besides his mountain of debt, I had to deal with his ex and his everlasting feelings for her... And still to this day she got the better side of Daniel in every way... I'm left having to groom him to be a good boyfriend and etc... Because she took everything with her except her shit he held onto for a year or more... 

        I feel used and abused... I feel like I was just keeping him warm until she finally popped her head back in to take what I found. He was happy when she showed back up... 

       I'm crying right now because I know it's a lie that I'm so called "beautiful"... no man in a relationship that claims they have a beautiful girlfriend goes after the second class bitch who broke his heart unless she out does his girlfriend in looks... That's why I'm convinced I'm ugly... I know I am... I'm always stuck putting the guy back together or rebuilding him to be what I was robbed of because his ex took his soul practically with her.... I always end up with these broken boyfriends and after they go through a relationship with me, they become perfect if not next to perfect boyfriends for the next girl, and I'm just tossed to the side like used trash... For Example: Richard getting his licenses before making it official with Rachel, and Terrence being the most dedicated boyfriend on earth to Elizabeth (even while him and I were together..) 

         I never get what I want in my relationships... I always have to wait years or a very long time just to get what I want out of them... They are usually selfish, and abusive by the time they come to me... I'm most definitely not beautiful... beautiful people don't get treated like trash... I will never get what Jasmine ( Daniel's ex) had... and from what I was told, she had the better Daniel... Daniel says it's because she was his first... but if that was the case, Terrence wouldn't have cheated on me... because I was his first.... 

         Ugly heart broken girl....
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