I know that I have to be really ugly... I say that because I always get the boyfriends who have a mountain of issues that I feel that if I want to remain loyal to them that I have to fix it....  I've had a boyfriend who was a mama's boy, very selfish, and was a flaker (someone who stats something but never finishes). My most recent ex was a mama's boy, selfish, commitment phobic, and still in love with his ex for all our 4 years of whatever you want to call it (I call it friends with benefits because no boyfriend is a commitment phobe and still hangs on to the girl he cheated on his girlfriend with..)

       Now, when I meet my most recent boyfriend, I assume I am starting over, and that the heavens are smiling down on me for a change after many (about 5 and half) boyfriends of pain... But for the most part that isn't the case.

        I just recently learned that my boyfriend now (Daniel), was still in love with his ex when we met... I had hoped I didn't have to go through that again, since my last boyfriend failed to tell me that in the beginning and cheated on me in the long run (or really few months later after we got together). Daniel failed to tell me this, and while I was asking him for the longest about a year and a half ago why he still held onto her stuff, he claimed he was over her. But I learned yesterday that he was holding onto her stuff because he was hoping she'd come back... He held onto her stuff for almost half a year, and one day she popped up on his Facebook trying to steal him away from me. Of course he had no idea (bullshit). I had to tell him what was going on, and why she popped up out the blue after disappearing for almost two years. Besides his mountain of debt, I had to deal with his ex and his everlasting feelings for her... And still to this day she got the better side of Daniel in every way... I'm left having to groom him to be a good boyfriend and etc... Because she took everything with her except her shit he held onto for a year or more... 

        I feel used and abused... I feel like I was just keeping him warm until she finally popped her head back in to take what I found. He was happy when she showed back up... 

       I'm crying right now because I know it's a lie that I'm so called "beautiful"... no man in a relationship that claims they have a beautiful girlfriend goes after the second class bitch who broke his heart unless she out does his girlfriend in looks... That's why I'm convinced I'm ugly... I know I am... I'm always stuck putting the guy back together or rebuilding him to be what I was robbed of because his ex took his soul practically with her.... I always end up with these broken boyfriends and after they go through a relationship with me, they become perfect if not next to perfect boyfriends for the next girl, and I'm just tossed to the side like used trash... For Example: Richard getting his licenses before making it official with Rachel, and Terrence being the most dedicated boyfriend on earth to Elizabeth (even while him and I were together..) 

         I never get what I want in my relationships... I always have to wait years or a very long time just to get what I want out of them... They are usually selfish, and abusive by the time they come to me... I'm most definitely not beautiful... beautiful people don't get treated like trash... I will never get what Jasmine ( Daniel's ex) had... and from what I was told, she had the better Daniel... Daniel says it's because she was his first... but if that was the case, Terrence wouldn't have cheated on me... because I was his first.... 

         Ugly heart broken girl....