The Dangerous Kaos Experience

         In celebrating my spot in time, where I float among space, I have posted the picture above ( ' -')/

         Daniel is in Florida currently for the Fourth of July weekend, and I feel guilty to say this, but I'm happy because I can actually have some space! \( ' .')/  I can have some me time! It's sad I guess that I have to wait till my boyfriend leaves town to do so. He's been texting me off the hook.. And I'm pretty sue it's because he misses me.. however I never get that point in time where I can truly say I miss you because everywhere I turn he is there lol. Not just that, but he does this thing where he is a bit clingy x.x Makes me feel bad when I told him the day before.. but I don't know how else to give him the message that I NEED SPACE lol. He didn't even give me time to get over Terrence x.x (not that I'm totally complaining about that anymore). 

       I don't know if he's afraid of something like me cheating on him or something. But if he wants to spend every waking moment with me, there needs to be money and planning involved lol. Sorry to say, but I'm not going to just stay locked up in his place as often as I have been anymore. I guess I will seek my own set of space if need be. I used to ignore people who kept doing that. Like a friend of mine who is constant on Facebook ( @ -@). I don't want to have to do that. It's already problem-some that we have issues lol, Sometimes I just want to sit and be idle or do something FUN for a change. And most times he sounds like a 40 year old stuck in his prime at 20 in the 1940s, while also sounding like a typical black guy trying to hustle into "the great life". But he never takes time to be mellow and chillout or even have fun. Like I if something fun is going on I don't usually want to invite him.. mostly because he will become all "wall flower" on me. In any case, I also need time to figure out if this relationship is worth it in the end.. WE HAVE SO MANY ISSUES RIGHT NOW X___X

         Sooooo... got on the phone with Danny boy to talk after work... I can honestly say that I don't really feel much of a connection with him these days or... rather for a while... we've also had quite a few fights lately. I'll say for sure it's because he's over-confident/cocky, selfish, and self-centered. 

        I guess when you look at my track record, almost all the guys I've been with (if not all) are at least selfish and self-centered. I am, however, tired of being misunderstood or having my interests overlooked... 

         In any case, back to the story ( ' -'). We talk about TomorrowWorld and planning for it (FINALLY). I bought the tickets some month ago, which heh was not cheap ( O -O)!! It was at least $600 for two V.I.P. tickets for crying out loud. So, all I asked for him is to pay for gas and food (and possibly a hotel if needed or necessary). We start planning and we end up butting heads over lack of understanding and misunderstandings... this is a CONSTANT THING. I really don't know if we are going to last...

         He doesn't hear my side of the story, and he's so adamant to be right because he's a SORE LOSER. He can't lose gracefully, and he has issues keeping his word. Anywaaaaaaay, so I was asking what his budget was for this music festival, and he didn't know too well, and he was kind of being unclear about how much he was spending for that weekend... Needless to say, it is going to be expensive... anyway, he wanted to rely on "experience", which for this there is limited. I told him to start looking for hotels from last week I think, because I told him it was already going to more than likely be booked or we would have to pay more because of how late we waited AND because the hotels know the music festival is going to be close (duh). So there a muli fights in there over a week or two. Ugh. It's very frustrating... HE IS SO INTO HIMSELF!!! I just feel like telling him to STFU sometimes or even taking him down a peg. I hate that I need to take my own boyfriend down a peg because he's to fucking cocky and self-centered to listen to ANYONE ELSE. Ass. One day, he'll listen AFTER THE FACT. Probably would've broke his heart by then. 

At times this is the dramatization of Daniel and I (Yamato and Mei)

Daniel treats me like his princess (as he calls me) like Yamato does Mei

         Did I mention that Yamato is Mei's first boyfriend?! ( ' -') of course by the way he looks, they go through some issues because he at one points models with this cute girl. He keeps wanting Mei to "claim" him so to speak, and to voice her real opinion on how she feels about him modeling and who he is with. It takes some time for her too. Like me, Mei and I don't talk very much, and we leave the "knowing-what's-wrong-with-me" to our boyfriends. I'll admit it can be frustrating, but in the end it's worth it. ^.^