I had a really bad day today, and it doesn't seem to get better. All the while I'm thinking, who can I tell my day to; who would care to listen? Who's shoulder can I cry on? I began to cry on my way home from my class today out of nowhere, kind of. It's just a whole lot of shit is happening either all at once or in between, and I don't know what to do or how to deal. I have no one it feels, like I mean beyond family, but even then at times that can be iffy it feels. I have to sit here and take all of this and jam it into my bottle of worries and unfortunate just to get by. My recent ex wants to be BEST friends, and I get confused by some things that occur between us. It would be him that I would've went to to, to cry on his shoulder; but even towards the end of our relationship I don't think it would've been wise since he didn't even show any interest in me anymore or my life... And I ask myself why would being best friends now help me at any point considering he said how our conversations were dry and I'm still in pain... I tried to tell him I need more space and time to reflect and mourn for I do still want him and it hurts to feel that his selfishness is surrounding me. He doesn't ask how my day is or try to help me in anyway, I don't understand what kind of best friend we're supposed to be... and I don't want to be JUST his best friend. He can't seem to understand how much he has hurt me and still is. I do want to get back together, but he is insisting on keeping me as a best friend it seems, and I don't know how to break away for a while. School and work aren't any fun either... but it felt good today to sit in a classroom with familiar faces and feel some form of love and bonding from those that do show that they love and care about me... I yearn for things that I can't seem to have, and if I can one day... I don't know when that day will be....
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