Harsh Reality
It’s a
real harsh reality to deal with, but I have to live with it. One of my best
friends, who is a girl, seems to find believing for a partial second that I
would do her wrong justifiable because it comes from outsiders who think they
know me. She and the rest of them clearly don’t know me at all. I find it
painful to believe that after all the things we have went through together for
a year now that she would at LEAST know my character. She doesn't question the
two-faced people who smile in her face or dance around with lies. And she doesn't stop to defend the idea that they are wrong about me. This is the second time
now that she has potentially thought I would “throw her under the bus”. Gee,
thanks. What makes it worse is that she decides to claim loyalty to the people
that decided to fabricate false assumptions about me by maintaining their anonymity.
Mind you, there is more than one person spewing filth about me. Gee, thanks. Mind
you, all of this is at work.
You
know, it’s a lonely place in the world. Most days I try to fight off my
depression, which doesn't make the situation better. No one understands that;
no one understands me. Most days I feel like making two books, and then “offing”
myself like other similar authors.
Some
days I come home to my boyfriend, and I push him away. I don’t want to do that,
but he too does not understand me. And his constant let downs and struggles
deepen my depression and worry of future. I feel cursed. He tries to ignore the
issues and the fact that we don’t connect or do anything together by shrouding
me with affection, cooked food, and southern gentleman hospitality. It appears
that he expects me to just take what he’s dishing out, and wait around till he
feels like changing things. It doesn't require money always to do what it takes
to make it better, especially the understanding part. But that’s just it; he doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know how to do. It makes this relationship
seem like I’m being tolerant and accepting of the things I have to suffer
without in a basic relationship. He thinks I’ll still be warm to him, and allow
him to kiss or hug me because his name is “Daniel”. He doesn't EARN his right to be my boyfriend.
Tired
of being misunderstood. Tired of settling for less, and allowing it to affect
my depression more.
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