Negative vs Positive Relationships
So! It's been months since I've updated this blog, which I have increasingly been bad at over the past years I've been at my company. It's bittersweet, but it's just been hella busy. In any case, there have been so many events that have occurred between January till now. To list a few examples: the move to a new apartment (due to robbery and it potentially being an inside job), going to South Korea though only staying for 12 hours after finding out the other members of the group were fuck boys and one tried to potentially rape me, and almost moving to Seattle because of job relocation. These things I guess.. I'll explain in detail later on in a blog some other day. Today, though, ( ' .') I wanna discuss my "Beautiful Mind" moment today, lol.
 |
| Beautiful Mind |
Behold (above) my relationship explanation between "True Love" and "Standard Relationship Modal". So, keep in mind that this spawned last year between my boss-friend and I as we discussed my still roommate's, Kevin, situation with his then girlfriend and his inability to form the most beneficial and successful relationships with people. This also spawned because of the robbery that occurred in the last apartment, where I severely warned and stressed the shitty people coming in and out of our door that were linked to the other roommate at the time, Jeff, that may have robbed us. This also comes into play the shitty "work husband", Hamza, I had that was toxic and destructive. Now to explain.
I will be using my parents and my relationship as examples for this. First, let me state that I have an "open" relationship. That is something we, boyfriend and I, don't typically publicize. However, we tend to make it clear we do because of the fear and the expectations that are imposed onto us that we are supposed to be each other's "property" (when we are not). We also tend to let those know that get close to us, so we have an understanding that the respective significant other will not attack opposite sex friends or romantic interests. People do not understand our relationship, so perhaps this will help serve to define and structure how and why it works for us. (So far, our most clearly defined boundary is not having sex with other people. Maybe that'll change. We do not know).
Let's start with the top half: The Standard Relationship Modal.
The concept of the triangle works in that the relationship does not function without the concept of fear. Fear breeds jealousy and dependency which is in most cases confused with associating it with love. If person 1, my Mom is afraid my Dad, person 2, will divorce her because she has cancer, she becomes dependent on him, and then my Dad will feel loved (because he equates her fear and dependency to him to love). The reverse is also true; My Dad becoming jealous of my mother's male friends that treat her better than he does, so he is afraid she will leave him which makes him think he loves her (when in actuality he's just territorial). Both situations are negative, and force the participating individuals to "take the person as they are". This limits and discourages people to put in effort to be better people or maintain their positive attributes. Doing things to apply effort to the relationship encourages accusations and fear that one is potentially cheating or going to leave them. This is because both individuals have low self-esteem, and do not find value within themselves to make themselves better because they have adopted the "take me as I am" modal. Trust is limited and secrets are formed. This is a formula for destruction of a relationship. Fear is control, and without the ability to control their partner, with the partner willing to relinquish their free will to their partner and sense of ownership of oneself, then the do not feel loved. This can be said about religion, however, people have trouble between the concept of "free will" and "freedom". This brings us to our second section on the board.
The second (and last section) on the white board: True Love Modal.
It is true; if you truly love someone set them free, and if they come back it's meant to be. Well, on a daily basis, my boyfriend and I, in a sense, do that. We have communicated it plainly and agreed that we will have feelings for others apart from each other because that is human nature. We have drawn out our expectations for the relationship and other things (like how we should/would like to treat each other). We keep an "open door" policy that we tell each other almost everything that's worth mentioning, things that are interesting, and any romantic interests we encounter. We keep the conversation PG, mostly, in regards to our interactions with whoever we have a romantic interest in. Actions are typically omitted, as it serves no function in conversation or knowledge of needing to know. Our relationship fits the second half of the white board. It is drawn in a circle to suggest the "If => then => because" situation; If we love (each other) then we trade transactions because we love (each other). The reverse can be taken as well; If we trade transactions with each other then we love each other because we trade transactions with each other. (Okay that may have been a bad sentence. Carrying on). This modal suggests that we put in effort to maintain the relationship and each other's needs (and wants occasionally). This relationship modal is fluid. This promotes happiness, trust, and bonus points: independence. The overall goal is to meet each other's expectation and set them for each other. It encourages a checks and balances, where if the significant other does not meet the other's expectations that they should stop trading and and work out their issues. If they cannot work out their issues, they should split. This gives a cleaner and mutual split, which can give way to a friendship later on after healing. This is how I've been able to stay friends with 90% of my exes and romantic interests. The great thing about this modal is that it can work for either open or closed relationships and friendships of all kinds. It also helps encourage both people in the relationship to keep themselves up and grow as a person. Growth is stunted in the previous modal. This modal can be tied into my previous blog post: "Decree of Relations".
To those who read this or look at the picture, this may all be confusing. Lol, at least I hope that I was very forward and informative. :)
0 comments