The Dangerous Kaos Experience

         Sooooo... I met someone online recently ^.^ He makes me really happy, and it kinda happened so fast!! O.o 


         It all started when Terrence wouldn't and refused to give me a straight answer about our pending relationship or break-up issue. We broke up almost a month ago, and at one point I kept trying to give him space and make him miss me. But it made no difference because he claimed he did not want a relationship with me right now, and didn't think he was ready to make the change to make our relationship work.


         So, about a week later after getting back online and setting up my okcupid profile, I decided it's time for me to at least make an effort. And when I say timing is everything, I mean timing is EVERYTHING! lmao. So, Daniel found me on there after he narrowed down his search, and thankfully I had decided to put something related to Dubstep and Anime on there. I primarily did that because I knew it would be rare and hopefully ward off men xP. I had also put out there on my summary my rough March turmoil, to maybe give them forewarning to what to and what not to expect from me.


        Daniel contacted me and we started out slow as friends. He understood my situation, and he messaged me all day and everyday ^.^ He kept me going to the point that he and I decided to meet in person. We decided to go to the movies and we ended up seeing "Evil Dead" ( " -") it wasn't really great.. but afterwards we went to Starbucks and got tea and sat down and talked for HOURS till they were closing down the shop! When we are together he's right.. time just STOPS. It's like it's trying to get us to catch up. We have SOME MUCH IN COMMON it can be a bit scary and surreal!! Recently he's gone through same relationship issues and death of a grandmother this same time of year, and I couldn't be more thankful to have met him ^.^

         Yesterday, we had another spontaneous day of fun ^.^ He came by to originally give me the masks for my allergy problem (which of course comes at the WORST TIME!! -.-) and I invited him in. He didn't expect me to xD but I had wanted to see him, and apparently he did too :P I wanted to make a snack for him, and I didn't have the proper ingrediants, so we went to Wal-mart and got strawberries and Ritz crackers. Daniel was so intrigued, which he's highly intrigued about me it's unreal. We both do a lot of research, and put the effort into making things happen. And him and my bro get along so beautifully I was getting bit jealous xD He said my bro is cool, and that he reminds him of one of his old friends.


         Right now, I miss him... last night he stayed over kinda xD we stayed up and napped for an hour in each other's arms before we both had to get up and go to work at 5 A.m. He was aggressive and was holding me from behind, which felt so good :$ The way he rested his head in my neck it just felt so natural.. I wish we both had today off.. we had learned a little bit more about each other yesterday, and his place is really cool too ^.^ and his car! O.o We've been getting so close that I've forgotten about Terrence. In fact, he texted me when I was at applebees with Daniel (which again we stayed for hours at xD) and I never responded to him.. nor his words with friends request that has been pending for 3 days now. *sigh* where has he been all my life? lol :P

        I split up with Terrence today or as my brother calls it, "broke it off" since technically we were already broken up. It's hard... I'm really in love with this dude, but he seems to have moved on. I had called him all last night and called him all this morning. Naturally, he did not respond until 1:31p.m. I really wanted it to work, but he isn't pulling his weight in the relationship.. but also I think he's in love with someone else. If he wasn't, I believe he would've went after to me... But alas he didn't so. I wrote a letter to him hoping that he'd react more panicky, but I think he was relieved O.o I can't lie and say that I'm not hurting, because seeing him online is making me in pain.. He asked if I deleted him off of Facebook, but I technically didn't. I blocked him months ago, and when I unblocked him today, it has instantly unfreinded him.... *oops* Well, at least he still has my number and my skype at least.. I hope that maybe in the future we will reconcile and get back together. I'm not sure if that will ever happen, I can't live in hope since I had already lived in that. He doesn't seem to think he's done anything wrong, but I don't know.. maybe we are meant to be together, just not right now... *heartbreak*

         So... Terrence and I had split up about 2 months ago.... We've been trying to get back to the way things were years ago between us, and ease into things again. We vowed to change for the better for each other. While on one hand that was going fine.. until he stated that I was his best friend which hurt. He apologized saying he could see how that would hurt, but it didn't excuse my 63 phone cal blow up, which he penalized me for. Then my Grandmother died (on my Mom's side), and I got upset at him for not being there for me and blew up in his face. So, right now I guess I'm at two strikes...

         To be honest, I have been very lonely... My Grandmother dieing, moving out this Friday, technically single... I'm trying to keep it together as much as I can... I've been preparing myself for the worst always. Like recently I have convinced myself that Terrence may never ask me out again... We may never be together again... And it's all because of Valdosta making things hard between us. I just wish he loved me again... I'm not sure how to move on... Not sure what to do. Even though he bought me a necklace and I have yet to recieve it, he makes it seem like I will soon or something... I doubt it. I think he should just cancel the order and get his money back.

         He recently told me that the relationship isn't fun for him anymore... I don't know how to take that either... Feel numb and dead inside... I'm in pain. Before we got off of the phone today he kept saying aww, and he said I sound cute trying to mask my pain. He asked me when I got off of work and said he'd call me then, but I don't believe it honestly. He has showed no interest in me at all... It's taking everything I have to remain strong in all of this... Yesterday I wanted to commit suicide... and had I had the right push over the edge I would've...