The Dangerous Kaos Experience

    These are the books I'm currently reading at work nowadays.

Well, this year has been highly unpredictable... to say the least. Terrence still hasn't made things official between us; in fact, I'm kind of waiting on his call because we were supposed to talk about or pending date that he rescheduled. He was originally going to take me out for dinner as our first date and my graduation "gift" you could say. We instead had a hang out session at his place on Sunday, the next day, and he still had not scheduled a date. Not to mention, Monday he did not call me or text me at all. Tuesday I had to work late and so I had called him 3 times to talk about this weirdness between us. He was kind of open to the conversation and even texted me an hour later briefly; it didn't last at all, but I came to realize it was because he had been decorating for hours.... Today, he hasn't said anything to me at all, though yesterday he said he would talk to me about our date issue. I'm starting to lose hope and faith in what we could possibly have together. I don't know what to do....

Interesting enough though, Richard and almost everyone else I know is in or is in the process of a relationship and I'm still stuck in limbo. I don't know how on earth Richard managed to snag a girl, not saying he doesn't have potential, it's just shocking to see him with someone else. I've battled up and down consistently with Terrence to make up his mind to the point that I told him if he didn't go to my graduation that we were over. He drove early in the morning to get down here to see me at the 9 A.M. ceremony, but alas, did not take me out on a date. I am happy for those who are fortunate have found someone they can be with, especially for the holidays, but I'm still unhappy with my situation with Terrence. I had a terrible year... my dog died, Terrence broke up with me in January, he isn't over his ex, had my capstone paper at the same time trying to battle my feelings and situation with Terrence, house got broken into, and yesterday I broke up with Terrence... I gave him his stuff back. Today I blew up his phone and told him I was in love with him, and told him how logically we should be together. He told me he'd call back later... still waiting on this call. He asked what I was doing today I said nothing. It's almost 3. 

But yes my year has been hell. I did graduate though, which is quite an accomplishment. My dad never said anything to me nor came because of ticket issues. I didn't care. 

I'm starting to get a hang of being single little by little. It's new territory for me. The thing I'm afraid of the most is letting go. But what's even more upsetting is I don't know how to meet guys.... I'm not typical and not the usual type of girl. I cling to Terrence because I love him and want him all to myself. I'm hoping he'll call and arrange a date with me. I need a miracle. He said he would've called me eventually after I left him when I drove off and left him with the stuff he gave me. He text me saying it's indescribable how hid feelings are conflicted to the point where he couldn't even stop me from driving off.... I usually post gifs and pics to express my self in my posts, but I don't even have the will power of the face or the reaction to all of this extremely strange and weird stuff that has happened all this year.... I just hope next year is better....  

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   Okay, so I'm finally watching this movie, Rubber, and it kind of SUCKS! Like I'm trying to watch this, but it's just like wtf! It starts out stating that things in movies have no purpose or reason for happening like falling in love and other stuff we see in movies. So I assume that this is what the movie's angle was because omg... no.

  It's basically about a killer tire?! I mean the idea seemed kinda cool I guess, but then it just got STUPID! Not cool and unique. But STUPID! My brother is all like wtf this is boring! And I'm all like give it a chance. To hell with that now, lol. Watched it from beginning to end and I'm just like ugh............ How about it also had a crush on some girl that I assume was Australian. And there were funny parts in it and to it, but it didn't out weigh anything!! *frustration*

     I meant to update this blog when this had been overly hyped. But I guess time got away from me. Kate and William. Those two names stand as a unity of love and a sacred bond. They are so cute together and in love. I hope they make it together. Of course the wedding was beautiful, I watched it on TV after slaving 5 hours on the hedges outside. I loved her dress and how she appeared to look like a future queen. Omg she's so perfect. How about everyone in England got a day off for the royal wedding; how cute. Hahaha, my company didn't do that even though we are a British company. Unfortunately, William is balding in his late 20's, and people are thinking that it was probably one of the reasons he decided to marry Kate. Though if that is one of his secret reasons or a secret reason, then I would find that kind of painful. They did seem very much in love. I grew jealous of the union, not because of Prince William or any monetary values or statuses, but because of how happy they seemed together. Of how in love they seemed to be. As I battle my own love life with various issues and loneliness, I find that maybe I'm not worth committing to, or loving, or being made the world of, or being everything. Like, I assume maybe there is something wrong with me of why I am not worth a stable commitment and attention. A form of consistent routine that involves "I love you's" or "can I see you" or talking everyday or majority of the week, instead of for example, being replaced by a video game that you can play ANYTIME. But anyway... loving live Kate and William, one of many couples I hope to live my love life after or in their happiness... since happiness of my own is a touch and go..

This hindi movie, Lagaan, was pretty good! Had to watch it for my capstone class originally, but it was quite intriguing! :D maybe because I like Indian culture as well, but regardless of my thoughts, the rest of the world proved to enjoy it to in an article that I also had to read in relation to this movie. It was pretty long, but it was worth it; not just for my grade @.@ but also because it was highly entertaining! There are a lot of differences between hindi and Indian films and hollywood films. Like for example, they can't make sports films (though this is one, it has went against the rules), also the intimacy level between a man and a woman is not like that in hollywood. But the most important thing to know most of all is that calling their films Bollywood is an insult to them and their films. It makes it seems as thought their films are like hollywood's. It's not in a large way, but people with know type of educational research about the culture and its films would quickly assume this stereotype, possibly.

  I've been researching or looking for stuff relating to aliens and UFO's on tumblr lately, I'm not sure why. But! I did find some great stuff (like this picture for example) that made me question a lot of things, like why is all of this a secret. Not too mention somehow I stumbled across the fact that "The Fourth Kind" movie is a fake.. I was highly disappointed and was like damn. I actually thought that was real... but then that was probably the reason why it was released in theaters because it WASN'T. I did find a few videos that was mind blowing like the one below. But after watching things like this, you wonder what do I do now?! In any case, I was told that in 2012 that there could be a "blue light show in the sky" hat everyone can see! I do take their word for it considering that they are reliable. But still what can we do now...?

    Ok! so had do presentation yesterday to link Appadurai and a news article. Course I found this unique thing, where Facebook is having trouble getting access to Japan due to its lack of anonymity. This dude right here tho is the creator of Mixi (a social network in Japan, popular, that is like Facebook). There is also Gree, another social network in Japan, that also promotes anonymity. Facebook is trying to appease to Japan by creating a “different” site format for them, which include a feature, that is common in Japan, that allows you to list your blood type! O.o

So, I had just watched "Brothers" , a movie I had been long awaiting to see! And it was awesome! I'm not just saying that due to the two main actors, Tobey and Jake, but they were pretty deep with their acting! It was like whoooooaa!! Lol. But ironically I feel like I'm in a somewhat situation?? Maybe, I don't know. It seems like maybe one of my best friends like me? Though he is friends with my ex? Anyways... lol, this is highly intoxicating storyline in which you never know what's about to happen or you think you do, but you're wrong! Lol. :P From telling from the pictures, you're probably getting the wrong impressions, but it was quite a winner in my book. I'm glad I could finally see it!

   MomoCon was ok.. though lol!! I hardly went xD I took the train with Bishounen Uruhu and we pretty much spent the day together down there. It was nice actually. I enjoyed and usually do enjoy spending time with him. He bought me this really cool jade necklace, and we roamed around the area some. I was hella pissed off though from the fact that I should have went Saturday because apparently they had their very first RAVE!!! LIKE WTF?!!! And I missed it lol. But it was ok, because I had fun Sunday :P I felt like I was really important, once again. Felt like I was worth so much and worth doing things for. I felt as if my worth had value, like I was worth the little and big things.

Omg!! I watched this on Valentine's day *sob* and it was sooooo cute!! I heard of it before and I wanted to see it! It was on Netflix so I tuned in through my PS3. Even though the day was kind of depressing, the movie was too cute and sweet to actually feel even more depressed; lol even if it has love in it. It was interesting to see how the little boy was so very bright for his age and very smart! It's astounding! Throughout the movie you see the very interesting story unravel to reveal a predicament like no other. Even though the boy is in like preschool or whatever, he manages to understand things and the meaning of love! It's interesting to see such a very young boy commit to someone already and become bonded to the girl forever. Of course, he had to make a decision in the end even though he didn't have really much time to think at all. But it was inspiring to see that some girls can be loved without any thought put into it. Usually when you love someone you don't have to think about how you feel,....... it shouldn't feel like a hard pill to swallow........ nor should commitment feel that way either..... but apparently to some it does.....  :)
Lucky girl..

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Tonight I went to see Alvin Ailey Dance Theater with my family at the Fox Theater and it was OK. Lol they did a better job years ago in my opinion. They could have been tighter on some of the performances, and more coordinated. Though it was interesting to watch the crowd sometimes be a little over exaggerated. The women went wild for the men on stage, and most times the crowd over clapped for all the performances; even the ones that didn't need clapping in the very beginning! There was a Black history tribute clip in the middle of the show demonstrating how far we have come as a race and Alvin Ailey's contribution as a person to society and a few words. 

        My favorite holiday is approaching... Valentine's Day. I'm dreading it, because lol I'm single ( .-. ) I don't know what I was hoping for this year... Since I'm the romantic, I was probably hoping for unrealistic scenario's, lol or even romance from the heart; Knowing that I mean everything to someone, and that I was worth doing any and everything for. A nice example would be said guy randomly showing up at said girl's school and confessing their feelings with apologies and flowers. (the romantic in me made that up for a nice story) I don't know lol maybe some people are just really lucky that they don't have my kind of luck with love. Because after your father seemingly abandons you and you nurse a broken heart, there's pretty much nothing more you could do but hopefully be hopeful of a brighter tomorrow. Hahaha.. listen to me trying to be quotable :P hehe

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  Soooooooooooo, I hung out with "Bishounen Uruhu" yesterday and it was pretty awesome! We went to Lenox and ate out there lol and caught up. I hadn't laughed so hard in months! I had fun ^.^ I didn't want to go home of course, because of my homework and possible depression that would creep in. But it was fun while it lasted. He came to my job after work and I was running kind of late because of customers and my coworker taking forever to come back down to customs (where I was). He walked me to my shuttle when we got off the train, and afterward I think I felt important for a change; like I mattered to someone for a change. It was really nice.

   OMG THIS SO CUTE AND IMMA GET ONE!! I really want one! And in other news, I figure I go with the flow with my ex and see where things take us. I'm very curious as to what will happen and hope that we can escalate to more than best friends. Though I did find out that we never did stop being best friends; I guess he just needs to process things slower and develop slower. I hope things will get better.

My Capstone course is going to kick my ass, and that's my main and primary concern at the moment. I hope I don't screw that up or I'm screwed!!! >.< I need miracles for my various situations, and I hope I receive them!!