Painful E-mail from Terrence...
I’ve been meaning to set the record straight about my two relationships, one with Terrence previously and the one with Daniel. Perhaps, this will reach my ex and hopefully make me feel better…
Last night, Terrence made me cry. I didn’t anticipate it since things were going well to an extent. But he really took me over the edge when he forgot to say Happy Birthday to me and then he wrote this pretty nasty email to me.. And maybe it shouldn’t have felt like a big deal.. But when people close to me forget my birthday, it hurts. It’s as if I’m not important to remember. It’s not like I’m asking for gifts or a band.. just to be thought of and wished happiness or something on a day that I don’t particularly enjoy…
In his most recent email, he accuses me of a lot of things. But I see no understanding on his part. I refuse to believe that he is right in 95% of it, considering that he initially started the downfall of our relationship when he went off to Valdosta
When he went away to Valdosta
After that I had trust issues… I didn’t trust him at all, and what made it worse was that he was confused about his feelings… It hurt so bad that I was still in competition with his ex somehow, and of course that he emotionally cheated on me… I wasn’t sure what was worse physical or emotional cheating, but I confirmed it was emotional after a while of heartbreak.. eventually I forced him to make a decision in January years ago to break up with me since he couldn’t come to a decision after all of those months or the rest of the fall semester… And needless to say he didn’t make it up to me…
In fact, we started dating each other again weeks afterwards… but for the whole year he still was talking to her. He never let her go and said it was because he couldn’t ditch her because she was a close friend… At that point I felt betrayed and I always fought with him about what we were to each other… I kept asking him weekly almost daily what are we so I could know whether to date other people or to remain committed to him… needless to say I did remain committed to him despite his inability to make things official for a year and a few months…
Things continued to escalate further down the rabbit hole when it came to fighting over Valentine’s Day of me visiting and him not trying to help maintain the relationship while he was away… I made effort and hung on his every word for validation… I remember I bought W.O.W so we could play together and he played with me once for an hour… but yet he played with Devon for almost a month! I even downloaded L.O.L and I hated that game, to play with him, but never played together. I saved money to visit him when he couldn’t visit me… he even had the audacity to tell me not to come visit one weakened because of a fight that we had the weekend before and he said he didn’t feel right about me visiting… that hurt so much after I fought with my “uncle” and Mom to go and prove I can brave the travel alone… and not to mention requested the days off.
He claims in his email that I am unappreciative of what he has done for me over the four years, and how his girlfriend, the one he cheated on me with, is. He also claims how I rushed off to sleep with Daniel when he has no idea what happens between me and Daniel and what has happened. He claims that Daniel takes me out on the town often and spends some large amount of money on swanky places like Aja, when that is rare and few most times. He claims that him telling not asking me that we should take a break didn’t finalize us and make it a break-up. When you say we should see other people, I assume that we are broken up. I don’t sit on the sidelines for nothing. I wasn’t going to be a “just-in-caser” like his ex was. I wanted a real honest commitment and Daniel just came out of nowhere. I didn’t plan it, and I shouldn’t have to justify myself. I shouldn’t have to justify that I was trying to move on from a toxic relationship where me boyfriend at the time never ever made it up to me after all these years of me not being able to trust him and cheating on me. All I had wanted from him was for him to say I love you… for him to be there for me always… to commit to me fully… to work out our problems… to do things that I like that make me happy without it being a chore… to chase after me if and when we had fights or if he felt he was losing me... and most importantly to make things up to me when he’s wrong… But now that he has lost me, he seems content.
I honestly don’t know how he would’ve expected me to take the promise ring he was considering on getting me… in the relationship after the first 3 years I felt so uneasy and couldn’t trust him and decreased expectations in the relationship… I felt I was just taking what I could get and that if I didn’t like it I could just leave. I felt dispensable.. like I wasn’t an important person… I tried to work things out with him… I tried telling him why I was upset and what I wanted in the relationship and asking for clarity and being concrete instead of vague. I didn’t want to be some side chick that was waiting AGAIN for a guy I’d been with for 4 years… so I took it as a sign he was pushing me away and moving on… so I tried too. I cried everyday and was hardly eating after he left me… Most of everything I have stated above can’t be justified positively. It just shows that he really is selfish… and I need someone who can share and be selfish of me. Someone wanting to do things I like because I like to, not because they feel forced. And even if they don’t like what it is, I know true love allows one to be interested at least. If someone is so set against doing it because they don’t like it and makes them uncomfortable, then they may not love you as much as you think… I dedicated my life to Terrence. For him to blatantly be accusative and nasty after all that I stuck with him through hurts more than anything… I believe he’s happy with his “new” girlfriend though…
0 comments