This anime. It made me rethink life in many different ways. It made me think about living my life more to the fullest. The main characters, Decim (pronounced dekum) and Chiyuki, reminded me of Ruic and I. Decim was the bartender of the after life who oversaw all the "death games" to see where the two "guests" (recently dead people, usually two at a time) play a game they pick at roulette random. The games are ultimately picked in order to help draw the darkness out of each person to determine whether they go to the void or become reincarnated.
Chiyuki had committed suicide and regretted it, however she forgot her memories when she arrived to the afterlife. On the last episode, Decim recreated her memories in order to figure out how to pass judgement on her. In conjunction with trying to understand her, he ends up experiencing emotions despite he can't or rather shouldn't feel emotion. He breaks down in tears due to how sorrowful he became reacting her memories out. Seeing the sorrow in her mother made me realize how painful it would be if I had committed suicide myself....
So, I'm a little pissed off about Christmas. Lol, I mean, I always kind of was? This year my father decided to give the "daddy-o" (no pun intended) of Christmas gifts to his wife: A new house. It wasn't enough that my Grandfather is on his last leg waisting away, but then my father decided to not only buy a new house farther away from my grandparents, but also leave to go down to Louisiana with his wife for Christmas (who was acting like a spoiled brat because they didn't leave that Monday following Christmas to go down to see all her family at the "big house", when they still needed to get the house setup first before heading down. #dumbass)
Anyways..
So, Christmas to me is just.. Not a cherished holiday in my humble opinion. To be honest (like I'm not already lol), I only celebrate Christmas "recreationaly". In retrospect, I believe the holiday is a far distant representation of what it should be about (mostly friends and family spending time together), but instead it's driven by capitalistic profit, fear, and peer pressure. And on top of that it gives a poor excuse for most of America to grow a heart and donate, volunteer, or provide the smallest dose of humanity all based upon a season/day instead of being that type of person year round.
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| Christmas in a Nut Shell |
Somebody loves you if they pick an eyelash off of your face or wet a napkin and apply it to your dirty skin. You didn’t ask for these things, but this person went ahead and did it anyway. They don’t want to see you looking like a fool with eyelashes and crumbs on your face. They notice these things. They really look at you and are the first to notice if something is amiss with your beautiful visage!
Somebody loves you if they assume the role of caretaker when you’re sick. Unsure if someone really gives a shit about you? Fake a case of food poisoning and text them being like, “Oh, my God, so sick. Need water.” Depending on their response, you’ll know whether or not they REALLY love you. “That’s terrible. Feel better!” earns you a stay in friendship jail; “Do you need anything? I can come over and bring you get well remedies!” gets you a cozy friendship suite. It’s easy to care about someone when they don’t need you. It’s easy to love them when they’re healthy and don’t ask you for anything beyond change for the parking meter. Being sick is different. Being sick means asking someone to hold your hair back when you vomit. Either love me with vomit in my hair or don’t love me at all.
Somebody loves you if they call you out on your bullshit. They’re not passive, they don’t just let you get away with murder. They know you well enough and care about you enough to ask you to chill out, to bust your balls, to tell you to stop. They aren’t passive observers in your life, they are in the trenches. They have an opinion about your decisions and the things you say and do. They want to be a part of it; they want to be a part of you.
Somebody loves you if they don’t mind the quiet. They don’t mind running errands with you or cleaning your apartment while blasting some annoying music. There’s no pressure, no need to fill the silences. You know how with some of your friends there needs to be some sort of activity for you to hang out? You don’t feel comfortable just shooting the shit and watching bad reality TV with them. You need something that will keep the both of you busy to ensure there won’t be a void. That’s not love. That’s “Hey, babe! I like you okay. Do you wanna grab lunch? I think we have enough to talk about to fill two hours!“ It’s a damn dream when you find someone you can do nothing with. Whether you’re skydiving together or sitting at home and doing different things, it’s always comfortable. That is fucking love.
Somebody loves you if they want you to be happy, even if that involves something that doesn’t benefit them. They realize the things you need to do in order to be content and come to terms with the fact that it might not include them. Never underestimate the gift of understanding. When there are so many people who are selfish and equate relationships as something that only must make them happy, having someone around who can take their needs out of any given situation if they need to.
Somebody loves you if they can order you food without having to be told what you want. Somebody loves you if they rub your back at any given moment. Somebody loves you if they give you oral sex without expecting anything back. Somebody loves you if they don’t care about your job or how much money you make. It’s a relationship where no one is selling something to the other. No one is the prostitute. Somebody loves you if they’ll watch a movie starring Kate Hudson because you really really want to see it. Somebody loves you if they’re able to create their own separate world with you, away from the internet and your job and family and friends. Just you and them.
Somebody will always love you. If you don’t think this is true, then you’re not paying close enough attention.”
Somebody loves you if they assume the role of caretaker when you’re sick. Unsure if someone really gives a shit about you? Fake a case of food poisoning and text them being like, “Oh, my God, so sick. Need water.” Depending on their response, you’ll know whether or not they REALLY love you. “That’s terrible. Feel better!” earns you a stay in friendship jail; “Do you need anything? I can come over and bring you get well remedies!” gets you a cozy friendship suite. It’s easy to care about someone when they don’t need you. It’s easy to love them when they’re healthy and don’t ask you for anything beyond change for the parking meter. Being sick is different. Being sick means asking someone to hold your hair back when you vomit. Either love me with vomit in my hair or don’t love me at all.
Somebody loves you if they call you out on your bullshit. They’re not passive, they don’t just let you get away with murder. They know you well enough and care about you enough to ask you to chill out, to bust your balls, to tell you to stop. They aren’t passive observers in your life, they are in the trenches. They have an opinion about your decisions and the things you say and do. They want to be a part of it; they want to be a part of you.
Somebody loves you if they don’t mind the quiet. They don’t mind running errands with you or cleaning your apartment while blasting some annoying music. There’s no pressure, no need to fill the silences. You know how with some of your friends there needs to be some sort of activity for you to hang out? You don’t feel comfortable just shooting the shit and watching bad reality TV with them. You need something that will keep the both of you busy to ensure there won’t be a void. That’s not love. That’s “Hey, babe! I like you okay. Do you wanna grab lunch? I think we have enough to talk about to fill two hours!“ It’s a damn dream when you find someone you can do nothing with. Whether you’re skydiving together or sitting at home and doing different things, it’s always comfortable. That is fucking love.
Somebody loves you if they want you to be happy, even if that involves something that doesn’t benefit them. They realize the things you need to do in order to be content and come to terms with the fact that it might not include them. Never underestimate the gift of understanding. When there are so many people who are selfish and equate relationships as something that only must make them happy, having someone around who can take their needs out of any given situation if they need to.
Somebody loves you if they can order you food without having to be told what you want. Somebody loves you if they rub your back at any given moment. Somebody loves you if they give you oral sex without expecting anything back. Somebody loves you if they don’t care about your job or how much money you make. It’s a relationship where no one is selling something to the other. No one is the prostitute. Somebody loves you if they’ll watch a movie starring Kate Hudson because you really really want to see it. Somebody loves you if they’re able to create their own separate world with you, away from the internet and your job and family and friends. Just you and them.
Somebody will always love you. If you don’t think this is true, then you’re not paying close enough attention.”
- Ryan O'Connell
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| Aww |
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| Pre-Ordered |
I had pre-ordered Justin Bieber's album "Purpose", and I must say it's almost the soundtrack to my life either presently or in its entirety... And it brings tears to my eyes... and resolution to my situations. I couldn't of made a more relevant buy...
Life has been rough all this year; it makes me not want to go into the new year. I'm afraid of what's going to happen; I'm afraid I won't make it. With everything that is going on, I almost don't want to make it...
Reactions of the My Zodiac Sign when Rejected or Dumped!
- Cancer- will block you as a Facebook friend, immediately cross you off their Christmas card list and then assign a ringtone to your name so that if you call, they can ignore your call AND get the satisfaction of ignoring it! All this followed by a hasty retreat into their shell to sulk because that’s where crabs go to nurture their hurt feelings.
Winning the Heart of Women
- Cancer- When the object of your desires is a Cancer, flattery and frills won’t do the trick; in fact, these promise only to turn her off. Cancer women seek nothing less than true sincerity in love. A secure, dependable connection with a trustworthy partner is a requirement for this deeply emotional, sensitive and intuitive woman, so dishonest or unfaithful types need not apply. The Cancer woman does want to be swept off her feet, but doing so can be tricky; one false move and you could send the sign of the Crab back into her self-protective shell. But show her that you’re family-oriented, a hard worker, and someone who will strive to provide for her physical and emotional needs, and she will open her heart to you, slowly but surely. Great dates with the Crab include a picnic, a wedding or family reunion, or a tearjerker film that will tug at her heartstrings.
O.o Sooooo, I've apparently been a lot more popular than I had initially anticipated, and because of this, I have been ENCOURAGED to continue my blog site. LOL! I guess it's cool because my friends can share in my struggles and successes. I guess family can too? I believe I owe a lot to my supportive family and friends who've always been there for me, and always will. Love you guys!!
o.O Well, it has been quite a long time. I'm not sure where to begin? xD It seems that many people have been looking forward to my posts, so I'm hoping I can take time out to blog on here weekly.
Things have STILL been rocky this year, and has been very tough. However, the year is almost over and I'm hoping that it will end with a POSITIVE bang @.@
( ' .') So, Daniel and I are looking to make some big moves in a year. We found this nice apartment with ALL the bells and whistles :D. See below ( ' .')v
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| The Kitchen |
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| The View "through" |
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| The Living Room |
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| Part of the Closet (Enough room for both!) |
( ' .')> so, as you can see from SOME of the pictures, lol, it's quite spacious. Plus the amenities are awesome!! :D
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( ' .') As far as anime is concerned, I've been so infatuated with "Waiting in the Summer". I'd watch it OVER AND OVER!! :D I LOVE the opening!! And I've posted it below for your enjoyment :D
I'm currently watching "Terror of Resonance", and funny enough it reminds me of Death Note O.o *weird*.
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| Kirito |
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| Sinon |
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All in all, it has been a rough year, and it continues to be a rough year with varying things and forces seemingly working against me.. but with all the multiple friends and family members I have, I feel like I may get through this year alive xD.
Until next time..
It's been a while since I have written on this blog.. And it's been for good reason. I've been having so much "attack" me lately that I haven't decided most times if I wanted to live or die lol..
The Ex so-called "Best Friend":
To bring you up to speed, My so-called "best friend" Camille decided that she was right and that I was wrong for the actions and verbs she consistently utilizes to get her way like a little child. The last "argument" we had was over Facebook, and it was pretty nasty. However, it was due to me being sick and tired of the power trip (that everyone says she is having after losing a lot of weight, having a great job, and going forward with her future with Dean, etc). She last invited me last minute at 10 PM the night before to an event during the week. She said, "Hey, you wanna go to this thing for Zedd tomorrow? I know you won't call out tomorrow, but I was seeing if you wanted to go anyway.." Wow gee thanks Bitch. Not only did I start my new role at my job, but I got a new car note. I believe I'd like to keep my job and car, especially since I was under fire at my job. So, I tell her all this, and she still says well let me know tonight. Bitch did you not here me?! Thanks for the 2 HOUR NOTICE. We fought on Facebook, because she thought a post I made was about her, but in actuality it wasn't JUST about her. She decided to comment on there anyway, which started the fight more.
The funny part is when I send her a text page at work about how she keeps calling me at the last minute to drop what I'm doing to hang with her, I didn't call her because I knew she worked a morning shift now. I figure I would text her or use google hangouts since she went in earlier than me and we could talk then. She tries to call, but I can't answer because I had just got to work, and again I'm not sacrificing my job for her. Anyway, she says that if we don't talk on the phone then this never happened. Wow, what a BITCH. I told her why I text her and said we could talk on hangouts, but nope. She ALWAYS wants it her way. I'm trying to save her from her talking to me for a long time at work. Anyways, Facebook blew up and she decided to delete me, which I'm fine with. She was the worst friend I ever called friend lol. This is a first by the way. I never had a situation like this before. Besides my Mom said that she used the hell out of me... she was in love with my brother, and was using me to get close to him. Plus, she only started calling me her best friend when I referred her to my job so she could start her career instead of being at office depot waiting for a call that would never come from her internship. So, I got her to this point in her life, while being there for her. She always peer pressured me into drinking, always made fun of how I said and did things, and always criticized me, always tried to tell me what to do, always tried to call me last minute like I had nothing to do, tried to always have me cancel on REAL FRIENDS to be by her side, always bitched about how I would see and spend time with my family more than her, etc.. I'm glad it's over...
The Boyfriend:
Daniel and I have been going back and forth with our relationship issues. However, this past weekend, he broke me heart tremendously. And then on top of that he told me the truth about him wanting kids, even though he kept saying he didn't want any... This further made things bad between us. I mean he wants kids, and I don't for various and good reasons (on my part). On top of him having to try and mend my broken heart, we are stuck as far as what to do about the kids thing. (I'm sure if Camille was reading this, she'd feel elated and over-joyed that this was happening to me.)
When I read about couples like that, I know we should part and go our separate ways... Mom even asked me a long time ago when we first started dating if Daniel wanted kids. He did at the time, and then out of nowhere he said he didn't. So, we had been dating for 2 years now, and all of a sudden it resurfaces. I should've left him back then... but I was vulnerable from my recent break-up and my grandmother's death. I should've left him so it wouldn't be so hard now.... We are still together for now... but I take it we won't be in the future a few years from now when he may be ready.
I told him that I'd like to save to so I can get my own townhouse. This was because I don't want to have to depend on anyone, and if we end I can have my own safe haven.. I don't know what the future holds, and he says things could change. But it's taking everything in me not to cry when going to work... or cry in general. Because the fact of it is, is that he wants kids, and that may never change. I may never want to by very least adopt. He told me why he wanted kids, but I don't see the need to have kids to establish that. I honestly don't know what to do at this point... and I feel like I should always have my bags packed, so he can find the woman he wants to have kids with... He wants to be with me now, but I'm still heart broken and on the reserve.. I don't know if this is a sign that I need to leave...
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| Necklace #1 |
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| Necklace #2 |
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| Necklace #3 |
Okay. So, I decided to start this off with the 3 necklaces I'm hoping to receive soon, either for my 2 year relationship Anniversary with Danny boy, or on the cruise for my birthday. (' -' ) whoops, did I just say cruise? xD
Soooooooooo, I ended up paying for the cruise mostly... lol not exactly what I wanted to do, but I wanted to do something for a vacation (with my boyfriend, or group of friends) for the summer or my birthday. So, I decided to not waste too much time, and get us settled once and for all with something. I was hoping that Daniel would be able to do or help with the planning... but he's been very disconnected trying to work on himself and his APP project... Plus, I guess it doesn't help that I'm working almost a graveyard shift... Either way... we are very disconnected right now... I guess the prices above for a necklace seem... expensive? lol... but you know... I just wanted to receive something really nice that I would like to wear on a regular basis, and won't turn my skin or irritate it due to it being cheap... I would've bought one of these by now, but since we had a small dispute about the Swarvoski crystal necklace Richard gave me, I figured if he wanted me to replace it that I'd help give him some "options" lol. He's not the best at picking out gifts for me AT ALL lol... so I wanted to make sure I got ahead of the curve and pick out something I WANT lol.
I know it seems like I only post stuff when things aren't going right... lol, but it's not like I have a lot to post that is positive most days in any aspect of my life... But that's life I guess.
There is a glimmer of hope... but I'll keep that to myself *wink*
Yesterday, after a week long of preparations and an argument, we all decide to see Kingsman at Buckhead Backlot mostly because it was closer to Carlos and I. I was like sure, whatever. Now, a little back story. I don't hang out with them as often or I rarely do hang out with them because of the following reasons:
- They neg me all the fucking time (negging)
- They always have to have alcohol involved
- They exclude me out and leave me to find my own way to catch up with "Doctor Who" (For Example)
- They don't consider me a best friend even after all that we've gone through, and considering how long we've known each other
- When I was looking for another job at Travelex, Carlos acted like he could not help me find a job, and was ignorant to referring me to whoever that could help get me through the door (or any door he may have connections too). Mind you, he still wanted to do stuff with me, but because I made way less then he did, and lived far from him, I was still expected to shell out gas, money, and time that I barely had.
- I have been spending time with my bestie Camille, my roommates who care a lot more than they do, my wonderful boyfriend Daniel (I'll explain that in next blog :P ), and my family duh. All of which who care and give way more shits than the three of them do.
- Etc.
It hits the nail on the head how badly I'm mistreated by them at times when we went to go see this movie. Mind you we've had a shitty week for weather revolving around snow and closing business and working from home. So, naturally I'm on edge thinking I don't want to get stuck if it freezes over. In any case, it was just rain, and the weather was warm enough to not freeze over.
So, I make it there ON TIME. Carlos is way closer, however when I tell him I made it, he only says cool. Huh? Like where the fuck are you? Anyway, I redeem my ticket that I bought online (and had trouble printing at Kinko's because I have no printer right now). I chose a seat up front because it was vacant with other seats for the other three people ( "friends" ) meeting up with me here. I tell them in Facebook Messenger "Hey, choose B or A to sit at; there a vacant seats for all of us."
It was just a deck to ourselves. This was Fork and Screen, so you sat with a table and had to choose spots to sit before you went in. These assholes choose F and I'm like sitting down here waiting for them. So, they message me for me to meet them out front, and then say that sat at F instead. WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU WHEN I SAID PICK B ASSHOLES?!!!?!?!!!? I sat watching that movie, in a date theater at a table and on a deck BY MYSELF. I ordered a brownie sundae because I as like "Since-I'm-Here", and also because my period had just started ( ' -' )!
After the movie was over by ONE SECOND, I left and went home.... I was pissed, and angry. They started blowing me up and I had like 8 missed calls by Jose and Carlos combined. I was texting Camille the whole time, and was like fuck them. Then Jose posts how they went to go see another movie, and Khiem was like stop trolling, we're outside waiting for you. By that time I left, and was half way home.
If you three are reading this, THIS IS WHY YOU ARE STILL SINGLE, AND CAN'T KEEP A GIRLFRIEND.
I know that I have to be really ugly... I say that because I always get the boyfriends who have a mountain of issues that I feel that if I want to remain loyal to them that I have to fix it.... I've had a boyfriend who was a mama's boy, very selfish, and was a flaker (someone who stats something but never finishes). My most recent ex was a mama's boy, selfish, commitment phobic, and still in love with his ex for all our 4 years of whatever you want to call it (I call it friends with benefits because no boyfriend is a commitment phobe and still hangs on to the girl he cheated on his girlfriend with..)
Now, when I meet my most recent boyfriend, I assume I am starting over, and that the heavens are smiling down on me for a change after many (about 5 and half) boyfriends of pain... But for the most part that isn't the case.
I just recently learned that my boyfriend now (Daniel), was still in love with his ex when we met... I had hoped I didn't have to go through that again, since my last boyfriend failed to tell me that in the beginning and cheated on me in the long run (or really few months later after we got together). Daniel failed to tell me this, and while I was asking him for the longest about a year and a half ago why he still held onto her stuff, he claimed he was over her. But I learned yesterday that he was holding onto her stuff because he was hoping she'd come back... He held onto her stuff for almost half a year, and one day she popped up on his Facebook trying to steal him away from me. Of course he had no idea (bullshit). I had to tell him what was going on, and why she popped up out the blue after disappearing for almost two years. Besides his mountain of debt, I had to deal with his ex and his everlasting feelings for her... And still to this day she got the better side of Daniel in every way... I'm left having to groom him to be a good boyfriend and etc... Because she took everything with her except her shit he held onto for a year or more...
I feel used and abused... I feel like I was just keeping him warm until she finally popped her head back in to take what I found. He was happy when she showed back up...
I'm crying right now because I know it's a lie that I'm so called "beautiful"... no man in a relationship that claims they have a beautiful girlfriend goes after the second class bitch who broke his heart unless she out does his girlfriend in looks... That's why I'm convinced I'm ugly... I know I am... I'm always stuck putting the guy back together or rebuilding him to be what I was robbed of because his ex took his soul practically with her.... I always end up with these broken boyfriends and after they go through a relationship with me, they become perfect if not next to perfect boyfriends for the next girl, and I'm just tossed to the side like used trash... For Example: Richard getting his licenses before making it official with Rachel, and Terrence being the most dedicated boyfriend on earth to Elizabeth (even while him and I were together..)
I never get what I want in my relationships... I always have to wait years or a very long time just to get what I want out of them... They are usually selfish, and abusive by the time they come to me... I'm most definitely not beautiful... beautiful people don't get treated like trash... I will never get what Jasmine ( Daniel's ex) had... and from what I was told, she had the better Daniel... Daniel says it's because she was his first... but if that was the case, Terrence wouldn't have cheated on me... because I was his first....
Ugly heart broken girl....
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| I'm going to die old and unhappy.. |
Ok. ( ' -') Sooo, this movie has so many wrongs it can't be right lol. Let me start by saying that this was initially not going to make it out into theaters, or even showcased on the PSN network This was mainly because it is highly controversial, and talks about America "taking out" Kim from North Korea. But in order to get that close to Kim, James and Seth are seeking to give Kim an Interview. Geez, how extreme can that get. But in case it seemed like it would've been too serious, they made it into a comedy. ( ' -' ) haha?
First thing is the above picture portrays either:
- White American males are here to save the day, and take out Kim
- Or America is here to save the day because we know best
Second, as we go throughout the movie, they made an effort to claim there is a stereotype where the CIA agent uses her sexuality to lure them into doing her work. I mean women couldn't kill Kim themselves, but at least they can plan how to. They redeem her importance to the mission when James and Seth fuck up twice. At least she is not a bimbo in this. Even though the way she was dressed before was essentially to manipulate James into saying yes to the mission. Not so bad is I do say so myself.
In this movie, we see a softer side, and possibly a much kinder side of Kim that maybe we wouldn't normally expect. He is essentially a normal guy with Daddy issues. He, like James in the movie, is unable to enjoy all of life's pleasures due to his father being excessively critical of his interests. Liking things like Katy Perry's music and enjoying margaritas are deemed as homosexual interests because it's not "masculine" enough. Not too mention, Kim explains how he can't enjoy life since he is 31, and has no idea how to run a country. Whoops. ( ' -' )! In the end, we learn it is still no excuse for his people being tortured and starved.