Terrence... :'(
Just Need An Outlet…
Lol.. I know my boyfriend is tired
of hearing me talk about my last two exes, especially the recent one, and it’s
not on purpose.. it’s just they were the most impactful ones… But I need an
outlet of some sort, and even though he will end up reading it xP I just need
to speak…
To be
honest, if Terrence had been more open and honest about why he was leaving me
and in the way he was leaving me in March, then we might have had a chance of
getting back together… But in retrospect I’m not even sure if we would have
even went down that road again, not only because of the issues with his ex, but
also because of a lot of other issues we had… He hardly ever told me he loved
me, even though up until a certain point his actions spoke louder than the nonexistent
phrase.
Terrence
emailed again today. This time it was bittersweet.. It appears we came to the
conclusion that right now we can’t be friends yet.. We would like for that to
be a possibility one day, but at the moment things are still fresh and new as
far as the break-up and my relationship I guess. And it feels so bad.. I
started to cry when I was reading the email at some point. He says he’s going
to get back with his ex, and I kind of figured that would happen. I think deep down
we wish we could reconcile….
I miss him,
I won’t lie. I miss the connection we had and all the memories we made.. I wish
I had a new job to help make me feel better and complete the metamorphous of my new life… I miss his family… His little sister
still asks about me, and I know for him it has to be rough.. I told him though
that maybe he owes it to his ex to finally meet each other in person. I feel
that he may finally get the idea and answers of “What If” out of his mind and
into reality.. I don’t know how to feel about that though, but if it
potentially helps for a future friendship then I guess why not.
Part of me
feels sick.. not just because my period is coming, but also because of how much
I’ve learned and feel sort of depressed about… I am happy with Daniel, at the
same time though part of me was like see you should’ve waited… But at the same
time of all of that, when I think back to Terrence and I’s relationship I can’t
see what exactly I would want to go back to… besides being with him for reasons
that Daniel fill or has in common… If Daniel was not Daniel, I would drop him
like a bad habit and run to Terrence, but it’s hard to want to leave someone
who makes it their duty to make your dreams come true, and not to mention cuddly
and cute. Lol.. what a mess… I’m sitting here and I haven’t really been able to
stop crying for few hours now… so heartbroken…
I sent him
a response email to clarify things and let him know how I felt about things,
and was leaving the door open to be friends if that ever does happen... or at least communication.
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